Narcissism – A Recipe for Unhappiness in the Church

I recently read somewhere online the statement that Bishop X is a narcissist. The identity of this bishop is not of importance for this reflection and, indeed, this claim does not need to be true to be pointing us towards something important. If such an accusation ever were to be true, if a person in charge of any organisation were indeed to be a narcissist, then we need to think about the way that this would impact on the institution.  In the case of a diocese it could create dysfunction, unhappiness and possibly even chaos in its wake.

I need, first of all, to define in approximate terms what I mean by narcissism. It is one of those slippery words which has become ubiquitous in this present century. I am aware of a Freudian use of the word, but it never reached the discourse of ordinary people until quite recently. I first became aware of the relevance of the word to my interests around 15 years ago. An Australian study of charismatic leadership by Len Oakes, drew my attention to the way that narcissistic categories were a useful way of understanding the motivation and style of some religious leaders.  There are certain words that undergird my understanding of narcissism.  Words like messianic grandiosity, insatiable need for approval and applause, as well as a sense of entitlement, seem to form some of the building blocks of the disorder of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  In short, the definition of narcissism which I take from the standard Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is one that emphasises an overwhelming need, even addiction, for attention and applause of others.  Combined with this self-centred approach to life, there is a pathological absence of empathy or care for others.

The description of narcissistic personality disorder in the textbooks is, of course, a disability which touches almost everyone to a greater or lesser extent. Most people care about their self-esteem, but it is most often sub-clinical.  It is, in other words, seldom destructive of their ability to understand what other people are feeling or thinking. In recent years we have had the living example of narcissistic grandiosity coupled with complete disdain for other people in the person of President Trump. There have been frequent attempts to show how he fulfils every single one of the nine text-book criteria for NPD. I want to work with a focus with just two of these nine categories. The first is an insatiable hunger for approval and the second is a pathological inability to practise or feel empathy.

I have frequently come back to this phenomenon of narcissism in my interest in the issues around safeguarding and power abuse.  In the first place, a perpetrator of abuse is quite likely to be a NPD sufferer with a deadened conscience.  This enables him/her to harm a vulnerable individual without any apparent awareness of the damage that is being caused.  In the disordered pattern of thinking that may be present in the perpetrator, the only thing that comes to matter is a need to find gratification. Abuse of the weak is somehow feeding that narcissistic addiction for sensation and power.

 A major problem for many survivors is that the narcissism found in their abuser is also found in a different form in the institution they look to for protection.  If a bishop or responsible leader is afflicted by a degree of narcissism, they may well re-abuse the victim.  I am not suggesting that the bishop will want to treat the abused person as a target for further sexual exploitation.  Sadly though, this scenario did play out in one case study recorded by IICSA.  No, a more common danger is for the narcissistically inclined bishop to treat the victim/survivor as merely a problem to be managed.  Narcissism may well have blunted the needed empathy for the victim as well as imagination.  The response on the part of the leader will thus fail the survivor in various ways.  Because of a failure of empathy. the abuse is seen as a threat to reputation of the institution and not as a human tragedy involving acute betrayal and suffering.  In short, a bishop with strong narcissistic tendencies will behave like a committee man, managing, deflecting and avoiding the pain and the deepest needs of the survivor for the sake of the institution that he/she represents. 

In a paper I gave to the International Cultic Studies Association in 2019, I explored the idea that institutions themselves were a contributory factor in creating narcissism within individuals. The textbooks have put forward the idea that narcissistic individuals are those who are the victims of deficient forms of upbringing. I suggested that hierarchical structures, which offer status and power to leaders, create mental attitudes inside certain susceptible individuals. These can push them towards narcissism.  In other words, institutions themselves, with the tools of aggrandisement at their disposal, are able to create an institutional type of narcissism. Many of us are susceptible to the charms of such power and status.   But this narcissistic grandiosity seems to come at the cost of a depletion of our capacity for true empathy and care for the afflicted. These qualities are sometimes severely compromised in us, if not completely destroyed.

The statement that Bishop X is a narcissist suggests that there may be a serious threat to his/her proper functioning in the domain in which his/her oversight prevails. One part of narcissism, the appetite for glory and thrones, is possibly able to be restrained by the checks that most institutions possess. What is less manageable is a deficit in a capacity for empathy on the part of a bishop/leader. In short, if an abuse victim approaches the institution and finds there in its leader an implacable failure of empathy and care, he/she will be driven back into the hellhole that the original abuse had cast them into. This failure of empathy is not just something that affects the bishop’s one-to-one relationships within the diocese. It is likely to impinge on the whole gamut of relationships that exist across the board. A bishop who does not practise empathy may be extremely good at management.  The boards over which he/she has power may function well, but, at the same time, they may be soulless and cold organisations. Love and the warmth of the spirit have fled from the structures. Who would want to work in such a chill dark place where efficiency has usurped human love?

The opposite of narcissism within an institution will be a place demonstrating all the qualities of Christian love, empathy, openness and reconciliation. When there is secrecy, protectionism and institutional coldness, there is simply nothing to attract anyone from the outside. Somehow in these post –IICSA days, the church has to recover these non-narcissistic values to be able to show to those looking in that our church is a place of integrity, warmth and conducive to human and spiritual wholeness. I would hope that most clergy would want precisely these things and that they are doing all in their power to help to bring them about. This task will be made far harder when the institution for which they work and which they represent, is suddenly shown to be less than compassionate and caring for those outside its walls, and indeed some of those within.

About Stephen Parsons

Stephen is a retired Anglican priest living at present in Cumbria. He has taken a special interest in the issues around health and healing in the Church but also when the Church is a place of harm and abuse. He has published books on both these issues and is at present particularly interested in understanding how power works at every level in the Church. He is always interested in making contact with others who are concerned with these issues.

3 thoughts on “Narcissism – A Recipe for Unhappiness in the Church

  1. Thank you Stephen for the blog and I do wonder that if all in the church is built on prayer and everything goes well then no one shoul feel proud but praise the Lord for his greatness. So a narcissist could not be basing his work on God or acknowledging His great works.

  2. Thank you Stephen. I believe I am not the only person who, on making a complaint to their Bishop has effectively been told to shut up and go away. This, despite all the current church speak that it no longer happens, change of culture blah blah. So what would we expect to happen when further investigations prove the Bishop to be wrong? An apology perhaps? No, unlike the rest of humanity a Bishop cannot be wrong, and cannot admit even to making a simple mistake, if mistake it was. The awful thing is that he is perpetuating his wrong by maintaining this stance. I simply must be wrong and treated as such. Church decisions which prove me right are simply unacceptable. Truly the Bishop is king in his diocese. And a medieval monarch, not a modern constitutional king.

    1. Hi Mary. That is still true. Some people do change, often gradually over time. Some just don’t. Others were always good at the right response, and will only get better as the culture improves. If you’re stuck with an infallible bishop, or indeed vicar, they exist, too, things will still be difficult for you. If you read these blogs and their comments, at least you will know you are not alone. Many of us pray daily for the survivors. All the best for the future.

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